[excerpt from 2012]

condensed

20100905
this is how they got me. Trapped within without even knowing I was caught. the system setup to produce me, yet my production is desire to not be produced when already am.

alone actions and characters melt into mind and life and the events become charades of who I am and was and will be intertwine with theirs and mine. The visual elements, the letters, the patterns falling into place, lock-step. Perfectly synchronized in the grand timepiece of the universe. 

no universe i know. only reality i know. reality is real. the thing that we are and perceive and do, our thoughts flying slow sometimes fast sometimes caught, sometimes swept over. even as the voice recites words in your mind it is not it who is you nor I that drove you to act independently of the system.

Their names and associated tones, intents, and constructs gilded upon you as current version's Santa Claus valentine newspaper texture quilt. 

Could you have known we would find the way to catch you it would all have been a dream, could you have imagined the methods used to pinpoint the exactness of each moment in time you would have been a character in a game under the control of another version of yourself from a timeless realm where the smallest details of your perceptions are worked out through eons of practice shedding away the many hours of rehearsal for the crossing point that lasts no more longer than time is deep as thought is boundless where space is destined to reveal yourself to you.

previous dream experiments

these are really "notes to self" to get some thoughts out of my head, I am sure it is a temporary stage.

I am reminded of dream experiments I performed when I first arrived in Memphis and which I continued for several years. This would have been from 1990 to 1993.

At the time, I was very into self-hypnosis also, which I have semi-picked back up over the last year. But not to the level of clarity that I had then. Then, I had much less secondary-oversite thoughts - my tree of knowledge was smaller.

I was younger. To recall that time, I know that - my ideas of "what is possible" were less informed than what I know now - yet my enthusiasm to believe allowed me to immerse into the mental-scape... if not expand on it as I do now. Then, I had such little experience, that most of my ideas were others ideas, I did not go far from script, though I was also born with a lot of script that was never told me.

 The beginnings of the ideas - where they came from are clear that way - what is ME aligns top-to-bottom with my sense, what is not has some friction. However, I have been trying over the past three years to re=integrate (combine) that previous level of imagination with my knowledge and experience now. And I know that back then I felt I was much more "myself" as an even younger child, I can see those different self and ideas of selves back through the years, to my first memories, so I keep them maintained in my personal catalog. What I am doing now is more the fulfillment of ideas those me's had of what I could become in the future, and I know call on future selfs from the next decade and beyond for the same.

What I mean to say now is, back then, in 1990-1991 when I lived in the dorms at Memphis State (now University of Memphis) I would often awake and recall many layers of dreams within dreams and re-visions of dreams in the same night. I was very into reading Jane Roberts and lucid dreaming and attempting to use my dreams as a way to test the concepts of reality outside of reality. "outside" would be inside - the 'through-ness' of reality. If it were all a gestalt, it would be communication between non-consecutive layers.

If there was a "natural" way to connect to the realm of "heaven" - if -  then dreams are the most natural way, of the many ways. At that time, I was attempting to find a way to alter physical reality by my dreams or allow God to communicate instructions to me through dreams. What I would do with the information, or what those instructions would be was unknown. Only that I must study it, and in studying come to find proofs.

In my own mind, there is ample evidence in the world that what I did worked, However, it is never enough to convince oneself. Or to have only ideas to show for something. If the concept that I am grappling with here is factual then it will have use in the world. The type of use that I expect is the same as mathematics, physics, and end up creating the more practical items such as the engine and computer - yet these would be knew devices which have probably been only in the realm of science-fiction or fantasy or religious text.

To me, it is a coalescence of ideas which humanity has had for eons yet which have not been understood. I know it is the same situation the finders of electro-magnetic forces had. Proving and using something that is (for the most part) undetectable by human bodies, yet is available within our universe; as our bodies run on those same systems, yet we created electronics differently from our selves, yet in our own "reasoning" manner.

I have no doubt that I will explain this further over the next decade, it has just been attempting to gather the materials and check all the possibilities; not to mention putting it completely aside for 2000-2010. - and like a dream - when one is creating reality and livining in that reality, it is ... well, I need to get back tot he level of ability I had before. and will do that over the next 6months.